Black Cloud

I have felt like...no...I KNOW a black cloud has been following me. A lot of really crappy things have happened in my life lately. These crappy things come in the form of:
-My Job and the drama included with that
-Getting ditched by a roommate
-Needing to move ASAP
-Needing to find a place to live ASAP
-Sleep deprivation
-Like anyone else in life...growing and learn in relationships
-sometimes those come in the form of arguments and such (stressful)
-Car issues
-Having stomach issues (not getting much better)
-Medical bills from above
-Medical bills from back surgery- lots of debt
-Trying to figure out my path in life
-Missing my family
-Missing that feeling of "Home"
-Worrying if I can take my cat with me wherever I move
-Stress beyond stress levels that I feel I can handle
-Having no friends - I probably did it to myself
-With my stomach issues I can not take pain relievers

On the Happy Cloud side of these issues
-My Job and the drama included with that
-Getting ditched by a roommate (New Adventure in life)
-Needing to move ASAP (Been cleaning up my belongings and donating a lot)
-Needing to find a place to live ASAP (Get to get out of the horrible dungeon I live in)
-Sleep deprivation (Better than sleeping too much. I get to watch lots of movies)
-Like anyone else in life...growing and learn in relationships (Atleast the person is always there when everything cools off. The hugs can calm everything)
-sometimes those come in the form of arguments and such (stressful) (Learn more about the person and build better communication through it all)
-Car issues (well atealst it gets me from point a to b for now)
-Having stomach issues (not getting much better) (I am loosing weight..but not too much haha)
-Medical bills from above (atleast I have insurance so it was not the whole bill)
-Medical bills from back surgery- lots of debt (the cost of being able to walk and have use of my legs)
-Trying to figure out my path in life (learning a lot about many things in my search for this)
-Missing my family (become closer to them by calling them more often, even if it is me crying to them all the time)
-Missing that feeling of "Home" (the hope and motivation to create a place like this)
-Worrying if I can take my cat with me wherever I move (knowing that no matter what happens she can be that special someone for someone else. she has done so much for me in such a short period of time. I am so greatful for her)
-Stress beyond stress levels that I feel I can handle (will make easier things seem REALLY easy)
-Having no friends - I probably did it to myself (chance to make new ones or the few I have give them more attention)
-With my stomach issues I can not take pain relievers (It will make my stomach get better, but MAN i am in pain. Humbles me down so much)

I am greatful for the people in my life who have beena shoulder to cry on. I can name them personally: Sean, Chantelle, My mom, My sister, My brother, My grandma, Tim, Lulu (my kitty)

Thank yo to these people. I am sorry to the people I have been flaky to. I really want to be better. My mind is so occupied by many other things that I forget to call back or message back or anything. I am sorry! Hopefully soon I can get out of this depression...get the situations that are making me so sad fixed and become happier. I feel like I have lost such a huge portion of myself through this all. My spunkiness is gone, my laughter is gone. I hope i can get that all back. I have become really good at pushing people away lately, please just don't let me push you away. I am trying...but it is hard.

That is it...
that is what is going on in my life.
that is why I don't smile as much
why I don't come around anymore.