BIG CHANGES!

I made a decision over the weekend to take a position at wasatch academy in mt. pleasant. Yes the name describes the place. It is a small town and it will be a huge change. I have a few good friends living down there already, so that makes it easier. I will be assisting in the dorms unti lthe snowboard program starts, which then I will be come a snowboard director/coach. Sean is coming out with me and he will be the head director for snowboarding and soccer. This decision has been a really ahrd one for me. I needed to quit my job at backcountry.com. I had worked at backcountry.com for almost 2 1/2 years. It was almost a home to me, but I hit as high as I was going to be able to go there, with out more education. So it was time to say good bye. I have been dwelling all weekend on what to do. I would have to start monday at wasatch and quit backcountry, with no 2 weeks notice, nothing. Makes my stomach hurt still thinking of doing that to them, but I gotta look out for myself. At wasatch academy my housing and food is paid for and my snowboarding expenses. So I can go back to college, pay off my medical debt and get my life back on track! My commute to work is 100 steps from my apt. I prayed long and hard about this. Everyone led up to me taking this job. My roommate signing away our lease and me having to move out the weekend I would be moving for my new job. It seems everything fell into place. When i drove down there I felt so at peace. So at home. so calm. If any of you have known me the past couple months, my life has been anything but calm. I had been hospitalized for an ulcer, been battling that still. I have been nervous, hurt, stressed and just not my happy self. This move, this change is in hopes to get my happy good old self back. To be able to strengthen my body back up from a 40 hour a week desk job. Sure I am scared so so much. I don't think I have ever been so scared, but in that moment of scared I am still at peace. Knowing everything will work out for me in the end. I need to fix my life, fix myself and I am taking a leap of faith and making a decision, knowing the lord will support me. It can't be all wrong if I feel at peace about it. So even if it all ends up not working out....I have other options.

I will miss backcountry.com. Specifically the people, seeing the snowboarding fashion, the vendors, some of the rad projects I got to be passionate about. But somewhere in the mix of everything, the good and the bad I lost myself. I had a co-worker make a comment of where is the fun happy emily? we miss her, we hope you can find her again. This was told to me last thursday. That was really my deciding factor. I need that person back...I need to be that fun, bubbly, positive person. I know I have made the right decision. I know tomorrow I may regreat, but I will be reassured. Good bye backcountry.com thanks for everything you have taught me, the gear I have gotten, the opportunities, and the people I have met. It was what I needed at that time in my life. It helped me pick myself up after a horrific injury, now that I am healed and ready to move forward it is time. Time to find myself again.

Black Cloud

I have felt like...no...I KNOW a black cloud has been following me. A lot of really crappy things have happened in my life lately. These crappy things come in the form of:
-My Job and the drama included with that
-Getting ditched by a roommate
-Needing to move ASAP
-Needing to find a place to live ASAP
-Sleep deprivation
-Like anyone else in life...growing and learn in relationships
-sometimes those come in the form of arguments and such (stressful)
-Car issues
-Having stomach issues (not getting much better)
-Medical bills from above
-Medical bills from back surgery- lots of debt
-Trying to figure out my path in life
-Missing my family
-Missing that feeling of "Home"
-Worrying if I can take my cat with me wherever I move
-Stress beyond stress levels that I feel I can handle
-Having no friends - I probably did it to myself
-With my stomach issues I can not take pain relievers

On the Happy Cloud side of these issues
-My Job and the drama included with that
-Getting ditched by a roommate (New Adventure in life)
-Needing to move ASAP (Been cleaning up my belongings and donating a lot)
-Needing to find a place to live ASAP (Get to get out of the horrible dungeon I live in)
-Sleep deprivation (Better than sleeping too much. I get to watch lots of movies)
-Like anyone else in life...growing and learn in relationships (Atleast the person is always there when everything cools off. The hugs can calm everything)
-sometimes those come in the form of arguments and such (stressful) (Learn more about the person and build better communication through it all)
-Car issues (well atealst it gets me from point a to b for now)
-Having stomach issues (not getting much better) (I am loosing weight..but not too much haha)
-Medical bills from above (atleast I have insurance so it was not the whole bill)
-Medical bills from back surgery- lots of debt (the cost of being able to walk and have use of my legs)
-Trying to figure out my path in life (learning a lot about many things in my search for this)
-Missing my family (become closer to them by calling them more often, even if it is me crying to them all the time)
-Missing that feeling of "Home" (the hope and motivation to create a place like this)
-Worrying if I can take my cat with me wherever I move (knowing that no matter what happens she can be that special someone for someone else. she has done so much for me in such a short period of time. I am so greatful for her)
-Stress beyond stress levels that I feel I can handle (will make easier things seem REALLY easy)
-Having no friends - I probably did it to myself (chance to make new ones or the few I have give them more attention)
-With my stomach issues I can not take pain relievers (It will make my stomach get better, but MAN i am in pain. Humbles me down so much)

I am greatful for the people in my life who have beena shoulder to cry on. I can name them personally: Sean, Chantelle, My mom, My sister, My brother, My grandma, Tim, Lulu (my kitty)

Thank yo to these people. I am sorry to the people I have been flaky to. I really want to be better. My mind is so occupied by many other things that I forget to call back or message back or anything. I am sorry! Hopefully soon I can get out of this depression...get the situations that are making me so sad fixed and become happier. I feel like I have lost such a huge portion of myself through this all. My spunkiness is gone, my laughter is gone. I hope i can get that all back. I have become really good at pushing people away lately, please just don't let me push you away. I am trying...but it is hard.

That is it...
that is what is going on in my life.
that is why I don't smile as much
why I don't come around anymore.